COMEDY
by FanficFantic
Summary: NEW! PART 5 is UP!!!! Comedy keeps on comming! It is CLEAN fun! Victoria gets whats comming to her...ha ha ha. Lana just can't shut up, and Pete is just Pete.
1. Comedy #1

COMEDY! Disclaimer-I don't own the show Smallville or its characters.  
  
This is just something to make you laugh.  
  
Walking to the bus  
  
Pete-Oh yeah, I'm Will Smith, oh yeah, uh-huh  
  
Clark-What the hell?  
  
Pete-Sorry, but I only get two lines...I guess I'm done!  
  
Clark-Thank God!  
  
Chloe-Ok, I need to write a story on this, I'm going to the Torch  
  
Clark-We need to go to school first  
  
Chloe-Oh yeah!  
  
They get on bus, Pete has his hand over his mouth.  
  
School  
  
Lana-Whitney, my parents are dead  
  
Whitney-I know  
  
Lana-THERE GONE  
  
Whitney-Really?  
  
Lana-I don't have parents...AH!  
  
Clark-Are you ok Lana?  
  
Lana-My parents are dead!  
  
Clark-Its been 12 years...  
  
Lana-And they haven't came back! How rude!  
  
Kwan walks up to Chloe.  
  
Kwan-You wrote about them again  
  
Chloe-What are you going to do about it?  
  
Kwan rolls up the paper.  
  
Kwan-I'll some after you...AHHHH  
  
Kwan charges after her with the rolled up paper.  
  
Chloe-OH NO! HELP! CLLAAAARRKKK!!!  
  
Kwan-The boy you like?  
  
Chloe-Yeah, he saves my life a lot, but I'm to stupid to ask him about it  
  
Clark runs in.  
  
Clark-CHLOE! I was talking to Lana! I care about her more then you ok?  
  
Chloe-I feel so USED!  
  
Kwan-I get that feeling a lot  
  
The other two just stare at him...just stare!  
  
Whitney's car  
  
Whitney-Oh no! I'm going to get in another accident!   
  
Pees his pants.  
  
Whitney-Oh no! Now I'm wet!  
  
Lex's Mansion   
  
Lex-Victoria, I'm sick of your faint accent, and your bad in bed!  
  
Victoria-I just wanted to get your company!  
  
Lex pulls out a gun, but before shooting looks around to make sure Clark isn't around.  
  
Victoria-HELP!  
  
Clark comes running in  
  
Clark-What's going on!?  
  
Lex-I was just going to shoot her  
  
Clark-Good! I got here right in time to watch!  
  
Lex-That's my boy!  
  
Victoria-Your suppose to block the bullet Clark!  
  
Clark-Why? You are taking Lex away from me! He's mine now!  
  
Lex-I'm proud of you, here, we can shoot her together  
  
Clark-YEAHHHH!  
  
Right then, a meteor goes threw the ceiling of the house, and crashes, smashes, and squishes Victoria.  
  
Clark-Finally, a meteor came in handy for me! 


	2. Comedy #2

COMEDY2! Disclaimer-I don't own the show Smallville or its characters.  
  
This is just something to make you laugh.  
  
Lex decided he liked to see Victoria's legs under the Meteor rock like in the wizard of Oz. But maybe that wasn't such a good idea...(not just because of the smell)  
  
School  
  
Clark-Its my birthday, its my birthday!  
  
Chloe-Is it really?  
  
Clark-Well, I don't know  
  
Chloe-You don't know your birthday?  
  
Clark-Nope, we just say its the day my parents found me  
  
Chloe-Pete? why aren't you saying anything?  
  
Pete sign languages-I don't want to waist up my lines!  
  
Clark-ha, no more 'I'm Will Smith!'  
  
Lana walks up  
  
Lana-Hi Clark....you want me, don't you?  
  
Chloe-I almost thought you were my friend!  
  
She walks away with Pete  
  
Lana-Sorry bout that  
  
Clark-At least you didn't bring up your parents  
  
Lana-MY PARENTS! OH NO THERE DEAD!  
  
Whitney comes to see what's wrong  
  
Whitney-What did you do to her Kent?  
  
Clark-I brought up her parents...  
  
Whitney-I'm out of here  
  
Clark-Whitney! You have the most amazing girlfriend in the world!  
  
Whitney-Are you going to hurt me Kent?  
  
Clark-Yeah!  
  
Whitney screams like a 6-year-old girl, wets his pants, and runs. (as i almost wet mine typing that!)  
  
Lana-Oh, that's my Whitney!  
  
Lex's mansion  
  
Victoria twitches, and lifts the meteor off of her.  
  
Victoria-I must get Lex!  
  
Kent Farm  
  
Clark-Hi mom. What is this?  
  
Mrs. Kent-It's a cat! I thought you would have known.  
  
Clark-What are we going to say, we found it in a field?  
  
Mrs. Kent-He, She found us  
  
Clark-Let me pet the kitty!  
  
Clark bends down on the floor to pet the cat...he started to sneeze  
  
Clark- HA CHOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
The cat flys across the room, flys threw the open door, and hits Victoria when she was walking in.  
  
Clark-Oops  
  
Mrs. Kent-Who was that?  
  
Clark-I thought she died! I have to find Lex!  
  
Clark zoomed out, and passed the cat and Victoria still flying across the ground.  
  
In the woods  
  
Clark spots Lex  
  
Lex-Whose their?  
  
Clark-Its me, Clark  
  
Lex-Clark Kent?  
  
Clark-What other Clark do you know?  
  
Lex-Sorry, I'm just a little scared  
  
Clark-Why?  
  
Lex-I went to take a look at Victoria's dead legs, and she was gone  
  
Clark-I saw her today  
  
Lex-NO!  
  
Clark-YES!  
  
Lex-NO!  
  
Clark-YEAH!  
  
All of a sudden, a woman with a fake accent and a cat some flying between the two, and smacks a tree.  
  
Lex-Victoria!  
  
Clark-Oh no!  
  
Victoria-Must get Lex  
  
Lex-I'll get you my pretty, and your little cat too!  
  
Victoria-But i like the cat  
  
She pets the cat on the head  
  
Clark-Your not killing him!  
  
Victoria-Then I'll kill you  
  
Clark-Wrong again. I can't be killed  
  
Victoria-BUMMER!  
  
Victoria runs toward Lex. Lex desperate grabs a blue bottle of water from his back pocket. He opens it, and splashes the water all over her.  
  
Victoria-I'm melting! Oh what a world what a world!  
  
Lex-Cool!  
  
Clark-Pass the popcorn  
  
Lex passes him popcorn that he also had in his backpack.  
  
Lex-Clark, happy birthday 


	3. Comedy #3

COMEDY3! Disclaimer-I don't own the show Smallville or its characters.  
  
This is just something to make you laugh.  
  
Whitney's car  
Whitney-I hate Kent, I hate Kent  
Lana-I love Kent, I love Kent  
Whitney-LANA!  
Lana-Oops, it just came out  
Whitney-That freak tried to kill me  
Lana-I wish he did, you were lucky Clark was there AGAIN  
Back seat rider-I know the feeling  
Lex's mansion  
Lex-(on phone) Hello, Clark can you come over?  
Clark-Yeah (hangs up)  
He walks in seconds later  
Lex-How did you get here?  
Clark-I don't know  
Lex takes a look at him  
Lex-I want to show you something...walk this way...  
Clark-Right behind ya  
They enter a room with a shrine to a blue bottle  
Clark-Is that?  
Lex-Yes it is  
Clark-OH!  
Clark bends down before it  
Lex-I promised it would live life like a king for doing what he did  
Clark-Oh Sir. Blue Bottle, you have made me so happy by killing Victoria  
Pete's house  
Pete-HA HA HA! I get four lines and this will be one long one cause I'll never stop because I think like I'm some pimp but ya know that I'm not because I'm a looser like Clark but I'm not acting like a nerd like he has to I'm Will Smith oh yeah ohhhh yeah. I guess I will get to know Lana sense I am going to marry her.  
  
Road  
  
A watery substance crawls across the road, meeting Whitney's car. The Water forms into a cow. Oh wait, its VICTORIA!!! (What's the difference?)  
  
Whitney-OMG!  
  
Lana-If Clark wants anything heavier on his back then the world, he would put her on his shoulders.  
  
Whitney stops the car in front of her. He gets board just staring at her. He floors the gas, and runs her over.  
  
Lana-You killed her! Now she is dead! Like my parents! NOOOO!!!!!!  
  
Whitney-Bad, Whitney, bad  
  
Lana-MY PARENTS! THERE DEAD! AHHHH!!!!  
  
Whitney-I just remembered, I ordered the fight on paper-view, I better just leave you here...  
  
Lana-Some other time then Whitney  
  
Lana smiles at him while he drives off fast. Lana didn't get to see this, but after the curve, he ran into a tree.  
  
Victoria-I'm still alive, I must kill Lex  
  
Kent Farm  
  
Mrs. Kent-I still miss him  
  
Mr. Kent-It was a cat  
  
Mrs. Kent-It was MY cat, if it could bench-press the tractor or not  
  
Beanery  
  
Clark, Chloe, and Pete are sipping their coffee, when Lana walks in tired and sweaty.  
  
Chloe-Are you ok Lana?  
  
Clark-Chloe shut up! That's my line. Lana, how are you?  
  
Lana-I'm not that great, I lost my necklace  
  
Pete-I can't say I'm sorry for you  
  
Lana-It was made out of...no! MY PARENTS!  
  
Clark-I'll make you a new one  
  
Lana-Out of what?  
  
Clark looks around, and remembers. He pulls out a blue bottle, throws it on the floor, grabs Chloe's necklace, grabs a piece of the glass, and some how sticks it in the necklace, and hands it to Lana.  
  
Lana-Oh my gawd. How did you do that?  
  
Clark-If I told you I'd have to kill you and it looks like you had enough trouble for one night  
  
Lex is crawling on the floor, and reaches the group.  
  
Clark-Lex, what's wrong?  
  
Lex-She's back! She's alive!  
  
Clark-Where?  
  
Lex-Outside that hotel over there.... 


	4. Comedy #4

Disclaimer- I don't own Smallville, or its characters.  
  
I though I would pay homage to the start of the 2002 thoroughbred racing season! This is a little shorter…but it has a purpose.  
  
Smallville's annual horse race.  
  
Positions:  
  
#1-Clark on a bay  
  
#2-Lana on her paint  
  
#3-Whitney on a black  
  
#4-Lex on a gray (gray horses are evil...one ran me and my horse into a wall at my show!)  
  
#5-Pete on a pony (Both have mussels...I guess there both known for talking 'too much')  
  
#6-Lionel Luthor on Victoria  
  
Chloe doesn't do the butt-bashing thing  
  
And there off. Right at the start, Lionel gets a head start with Victoria, and Lana falls off her horse. A hermit comes to see if she is ok.  
  
Kyle-Are you ok?  
  
Lana-What are you doing to me?  
  
Clark jumps off his horse to save Lana.  
  
Clark-Hey! What do you want with her?  
  
Kyle-I just wanted her to tell her parents I said hi  
  
Lana-My parents! NOOOO!!!!!  
  
Clark-I'm out of here!  
  
Clark jumped on his horse and they sped off.  
  
Lana-But my parents…there DEAD! I TALK TO THEM! BUT THERE DEAD!  
  
Kyle-I better try doing something good  
  
While that whole thing happened, Pete is surprisingly in the lead, Victoria close behind.  
  
Lex-HEY QB  
  
Whitney-Yes?  
  
Lex-Take a look at your truck  
  
Whitney stopped the horse and his jaw dropped. His car was slowly rolling down a hill…RIGHT into a tree.  
  
Lana-Whitney, what's wrong?  
  
Whitney-I have to go to work...I need the money if I want to get my truck fixed  
  
Clark was now riding up along side Lionel. Lex and Pete were in front of them. Lex's evil gray horse clipped Pete's horse. Pete would have said something, but he couldn't waist his lines. The finish line was only 30 yards away. Clark needed the money more then the rich folk, so he jumped off his horse, picked him up, and ran to the finish line with his speed...and won! No one saw it of course, cause that's the way it does. With the $100, he bought tickets to a NASCAR race…but what will he do when he gets there? 


	5. Comedy #5

COMEDY5! Disclaimer-I don't own the show Smallville or its characters.  
  
This is just something to make you laugh.  
  
Kent Kitchen  
  
Clark ran down the stairs…  
  
Mrs. Kent-Clark, what are you doing?  
  
Clark-I'm sorry  
  
Mrs. Kent-We are all ready to go to the car race  
  
Clark-I'm sorry  
  
Mrs. Kent-For what?  
  
Clark-I don't know…adrenaline I guess  
  
They both hear soft foot steps out side...they go out to take a look! They find Chloe looking into something.  
  
Chloe-CLLLAAAAARRRKK!  
  
Clark-CHLLLOOOEEE!!!!!!!!  
  
Chloe-AHHH!!!!  
  
Mrs. Kent-What was that about?  
  
Clark-Kent Charm  
  
Chloe-I'm just doing some digging  
  
Mrs. Kent-Well, lets get going!  
  
NASCAR race track.  
  
The whole gang of characters are there, sitting on the rail. Lex walks next to Clark...it's obvious he was away.  
  
Lex-What a great day to watch a car race  
  
Clark-What are you doing with those guys?  
  
Lex-I was getting a hot dog  
  
Lex bites the hot dog and his eyes widen as he enjoys the taste.  
  
Lana-I can't believe I'm here!  
  
Clark-What's wrong?  
  
Lana-My parents went on a date here  
  
Clark-Oh no!  
  
Lana-MY PARENTS!!! AHHH!!!! There STILL gone!  
  
Clark-I'm sorry but Lana…you need help!  
  
Lana-SOMEBODY SSSAAAAAAVVVVEEEE MMMEEEE!!!!  
  
Lex-I'll bring the best therapists from Metropolis  
  
The race has begun, but none of them seem to care. Yes, the cars were loud, but Lana was louder.  
  
Whitney-Look what I can do!  
  
As the cars came buy, he jumped out in front of one...thinking he would go threw it...like the truck. He was hit...and was sent flying.  
  
Clark-Now Lex, I believe a man can fly  
  
Chloe tugs on Pete's coat.  
  
Chloe-I need a picture of the flying jock strap!  
  
Pete grabs his camera, and hands it to Chloe.  
  
Chloe-After this, I better do some digging  
  
Pete-Thank God!  
  
Chloe-What?  
  
Pete-You have been saying that a lot...I brought a shovel incase you forgot  
  
Chloe-That's sweet, I think  
  
Lex-Don't bother Pete, I brought the best shovels from Metropolis  
  
Pete-Damn! Oh well, I better get going threw the crowd…chicks dig me! Oh yeah! I'm Will Smith, uh uh! 


End file.
